


with the exception of you i dislike everyone in the room

by callumsmitchells



Category: EastEnders
Genre: M/M, Mutual ILY, mention of the shooting, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 15:16:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20566490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callumsmitchells/pseuds/callumsmitchells
Summary: five times ben and callum realised they love each other, plus one time they actually said it.





	with the exception of you i dislike everyone in the room

**one.**

  
The first time either of them felt it was their first kiss. Despite it being June, the normal warmth of summer nights hadn't quite arrived yet, and so there was a slight nip in the air - but that wasn't the only thing causing goose bumps to appear on the skin of Ben and Callum. This wasn't meant to happen. Callum wasn't supposed to be kissing anyone other than Whitney, least of all a man, but it just felt right. It felt natural, and felt right. It was as though the two of them moulded into each other, as though they were made to share this moment. From the second Ben practically cradled Callum's face, a shiver coursed down his spine, the tingling sensation causing his cheeks to flush a pink colour, and Callum was grateful that it was dark outside and the likelihood of Ben seeing his blushed cheeks was slim - but he probably could feel it.

  
When their lips finally slotted together it was evident that every moment leading up to this was worth it. Every sarcastic comment, every longing stare: it all culminated into this one secret rendezvous and the stars aligned in their eyes. Moans from Callum invaded Ben's ears and mind and it made him want Callum even more, pulling their bodies ever closer as they rushed to expose even more skin. The fact that they were in a public park and could be caught at any moment didn't even occur to either of them, and to be honest, neither of them would have really cared because all that mattered as they shared their first together was each other.

  
Ben's fingers ran through Callum's hair, with Callum instinctively groaning out Ben's name, unable to keep his hands off his body.

  
A symphony of '_this should not be happening_' rushed through Callum's brain, but as quick as he thought that, he pushed it to the back of his mind because there was something in him that made him physically incapable of pushing Ben off of him. It was as though some magnetic force propelled them together and it just worked. Ben smiled into the kiss, allowing Callum to make all the first moves, and he swore that he hadn't felt like this in so long. It was a scary thought to comprehend, but as Callum's lips left Ben's own to move to his neck, soft, short moans fumbling out, all Ben could think about was how he somehow knew he could grow to love Callum.

  
**two.**

  
Ben was brooding. Ever since that night he and Callum shared together, he secretly longed to spend more time with him, but he couldn't. All he could do was drown his sorrows in several pint glasses and different faceless men from his app. But neither of those men were Callum, nor could they ever compare.

  
He thought he could get over him, just like he did with everyone else. It was just a one night stand, it didn't mean anything - but that was far from the truth. It just made matters worse that Callum had now proposed to Whitney, and instead of Ben spending the time he wanted with Callum, it was as though nothing had ever even happened between the pair of them as Callum wrapped his arms around Whitney, both of them planning their wedding. It was all a big farce, and Ben wanted nothing of it. The problem was, he couldn't keep his eyes off of Callum. To an outsider, who didn't know his darkest secret, he just looked like a newly engaged, ecstatic man, but to Ben he just looked lost and empty. It just made Ben want him all the more.

  
With every hug Ben witnessed, he winced and forced himself to look away as his heart shattered that little bit more. He wasn't even sure why, but he just wanted Callum in every way available to him, but he knew that it was near impossible now. He couldn't out him, he wouldn't do that to Callum. It was just a waiting game now, to see if Callum would actually go through with the wedding. Ben hoped he wouldn't, because it was breaking the both of them already. All he could hear was the wedding plans, Whitney gushing about all her initial plans and Callum humming in acceptance. Ben had to bite his tongue to stop him from mentioning her failed marriage to Lee and that he hopes this one actually works out.

  
A feeling of sinking deep in the pit of his stomach overtook his body, and he breathed heavily. Maybe Callum really was happy with Whitney. Ben wanted to make him happy though, he's sure he could.

  
**three.**

  
Callum was only supposed to get a cup of tea and a full English, but Ben clearly had other ideas. Not that he realised it. Walford was only a small place, they were bound to bump into each other most days, but Callum wasn't expecting to be faced with Ben eating his breakfast in the cafe with Lexi in his lap, her reading him a story whilst eating toast. It looked so domestic, and Callum couldn't help but smile.

  
Ben didn't even notice that Callum was there, let only looking at the two of them sharing their morning together - and also apparently breakfast, considering Ben had what seemed to be the nutella from Lexi's toast smeared over his cheeks.

  
"Daddy are you listening?" She asked, and Callum couldn't help but smile wider, because he could see what Lexi couldn't. Ben was transfixed on her story, miming the more difficult of words as she stumbled over them and then grinning from ear to ear when she succeeded in saying them correctly.

  
"Course I am baby." He said softly. Callum swears he'd never heard Ben speak like that before. It was like Lexi had some sort of magic power over him. "Carry on, I want to hear more."   
Lexi resumed, and Ben couldn't take his eyes off of her. Callum, whilst eating the rest of his own breakfast, realised that Lexi had Ben's eyes, and that realisation scared him, because Callum wasn't even aware he knew what Ben's eyes looked like.

  
His heart fluttered, seeing this picture in front of him, Ben grinning, drinking coffee whilst Lexi did different voices to match the characters in his story. It was so domestic, so happy, and Callum wanted to be a part of their relationship. The story had ended long after Callum had finished his breakfast and his tea had long since been stone cold, and he knew Jay would be on his back about showing up to work late, but it was so worth it just to hear Lexi's giggles as Ben had cuddled and tickled her, proud as punch at how amazing his little girl was. The smile on Ben's face was worth waiting for as well. He looked so blissfully happy, and Callum had been waiting a long time to see him like that, with crinkles in the corner of his eyes as he beamed widely.

  
**four.**

  
Ben got his wish. The wedding didn't go ahead. As much as he loves the idea of being smug about it, he just wanted to see Callum, just to check that he was okay. He imagined it was a stressful thing, being jilted at the altar, even for a gay man who was willing to dive headfirst into a straight marriage. Ben found Callum in his bedroom, looking at Whitney's discarded pink wedding dress. He looked lost, truth be told, as though he was in a massive game of chess and he didn't know what his next move was. He just needed comforting, and that is exactly what Ben offered, opening his arms and cradling Callum.

  
He had the faintest hint of booze on his breath, sighing against Ben's neck as his fingers threaded through Ben's hair.   
They finally managed to spend some time together, just the two of them. Ben's eyes looked over Callum's body, admiring how good he actually looked in this new suit. He realised that he really did truly like Callum, and that was such a strange feeling for Ben to have, even after all these years of being 'out and proud', so to say. Ben just wanted to tell him, so that's exactly what he did.

  
"That's why I like ya." He admitted, shyly smiling, slightly embarrassed that he had actually admitted it, especially when Callum should be married to someone else by now if it had all gone to plan.

  
Callum's heart stopped beating for a second, feeling like the room was spinning. So many words and questions whizzed around his head, but his throat felt closed, halting him from speaking. He leaned forward, ready to kiss Ben, scared for what was about to come, but needing to touch him. He'd felt something like this before, and in his hearts of hearts he knew he was in love with Ben Mitchell.

  
**five.**

  
Blood gushed out of Ben, the claret liquid pooling around his body, seeping through to Callum's suit as he held towels to his body, trying to stop Ben from losing any more blood. Hunter was still towering over them, holding his gun out on everyone in the pub, threatening anybody who tried to speak or attempted to move. Callum was scared for his life, with the crazed lunatic merely metres away from him, but he was more scared for Ben, terrified of losing him.

  
He remembered his army training, and flashes of Chris and Ben ran through his mind, but he put them to one side and focused on the task at hand - saving the dying man he loved. Callum listened as Ben told him the story he had been telling Lexi, smiling as Ben managed to get through every word, hoping that every second was a second closer to Ben getting the proper help he needs. The blood covered his hands now, but he didn't care how messy it was, he just wanted Ben alive so he could tell Lexi the ending to their story himself. He couldn't stand seeing Ben hurt though, and silently promised that this would be the last time anybody ever laid a finger on Ben.

  
In the moment, Callum knew that people would be staring at him with Ben, probably wondering why he was getting so emotional because they weren't aware that they were friends - but he knew they were so much more than just friends. The anxiety he had over people being able to see that Callum was in love transformed into anxiety over needing to save Ben, because he wasn't about to let Ben slip away in his arms, leaving Lexi without her dad. He wanted to give his breath to Ben, to save him, and that's why he was so happy when Ben was peeled off him and carted into an ambulance. He knew he was safe then. He knew he had to tell him he loved him.

  
**\+ one.**

  
Ben had asked for Callum the second he had woken up from his coma, apparently. Callum hadn't been there, but he wished he had. He just felt awkward being around Ben's family, with none of them really knowing him and certainly not knowing the real reason why he was so anxious waiting for Ben to come around.

  
Callum knocked on the door, slowly walking into the room where Ben lay on the hospital bed, several wires attached to him, but less than the last time Callum had seen him, with Ben now fully conscious and able to breathe on his own merit.

"You asked for me?" Callum quizzed, his throat suddenly dry.

  
Ben looked at him and smiled, looking tired but over the moon to see Callum was okay. "Yeah." Ben nodded. "Come 'ere."

  
Callum walked closer to him, perching on the edge of the bed, his hand out on the mattress, Ben's own only millimetres away. Ben made the first move, entwining their fingers together. It just felt natural, like they belonged. Callum lifted their hands up, and he doesn't know why, but pressed his lips to Ben's hand, before gently placing them back down together, their fingers not once separating.

  
"I'm glad you're awake." Callum said. "Scared me a little bit."

  
Ben huffed out a laugh, wincing seconds later because it hurt to do that just yet. "I'm glad I'm awake too. That's why I wanted you here, because you saved my life Cal."

  
Callum shrugged nonchalantly. "Just did what anyone would've. Anyway, you ruined my suit."

  
Ben grinned, remembering how good Callum actually looked in that light grey suit.

"So you wanted me here because I saved you?" Callum asked, noticing that Ben's thumb was now doing gentle circles on Callum's skin.

"Not really." Ben answered. "I wanted you here because I needed to tell you something." 

  
"Go on then." Callum ushered, pulling his eyes away from their conjoined hands and to Ben's face.

  
"Kiss me." Ben whispered, his voice hoarse all of a sudden.

  
Callum didn't need telling twice. He'd wanted to do this for days, lost without Ben's lips on his. It was just like that night in the park when their lips finally touched again, goose bumps appearing on each others skin, Ben's fingers tracing through Callum's hair, Callum's hands on Ben's cheeks, noticing that his facial hair had grown a lot thicker in the time Ben had been in his coma. Callum pulled away first, realising that Ben was struggling to breathe, which the doctor had informed them was normal. "I love you." Callum whispered, only inches away from Ben's face, eyes shut. "And I'm sorry I couldn't tell you before now but I was terrified. I've known for a long time that I'm gay but I had to hide it from everyone, and the longer that went on the more scared I got - but I'm not scared anymore Ben. I love you, and I want you, no matter what anyone says."

  
Ben smiled, opening his eyes to see Callum staring right at him, tears welling up, making his eyes so much brighter. He leaned forward, pecking Callum's lips again. Stretching was painful, but it was so worth it to be able to taste Callum for even a second. "I love you too. I'm so ready to be with you, properly."


End file.
